


were we fixed in time

by Fiveby5



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Character Death Fix, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Just nice, Mostly Fluff, Slow Burn, Universe Alteration, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-21 20:57:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3704629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fiveby5/pseuds/Fiveby5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anya stays alive and all things are made simpler; the alliance, the war, the victory. </p><p>This is how things could have been.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A return of the dead

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by a headcanon posted by chancellor-clarke on tumblr. 
> 
> Alterations: Anya is not dead. Obviously. -- Because Anya escaped Mt. Weather and was able to get a message to the Commander, the whole drama with Finn never happened, therefore he's still alive and a truce is easier achieved. All is well and fine, and we can continue with a fluffy story. 
> 
> Lastly, this is my first fic in probably 4 years. I have no beta, and most of this is written at 3 a.m. Pardon. 
> 
> Peace.

 Lexa had not seen Anya for some time.

So when she burst into the camp, staggering slightly, bleeding and bruised, Lexa's heart jumped.

“I need to speak with you, _Heda_ ,” Anya spat out through gritted teeth.

Lexa waved her hand and dismissed those surrounding her. Indra lingered for a moment longer, looking Anya up and down with a slight concern: Anya had been her second, after all.

Once they were alone, Anya approached Lexa, trembling. Lexa's eyes did not betray her concern for her former mentor: she knew that Anya would feel far worse if Lexa should look on her with pity.

“Anya, where have you been? What has happened to you?”

“ _Skaikru Pr_ \--” she choked, coughing blood.

“The Sky People have done this to you?” Lexa growled, her voice deathly low.

“No, _Heda_ , no...” Anya shook her head. Exhaustion finally overwhelmed her. She fell to her knees.

Lexa looked to see if anyone was watching before she drops to her knees as well. She put a hand on Anya's shoulder. Anya flinched away. Lexa's brow furrowed, and she decided it will be better to simply get her some water.

When she returned with the water, Anya had seated herself in one of the lower-sitting benches. She handed off the water, which Anya gulped down quickly, as if she had not had water in several days. Which, now that Lexa thought about it, is entirely possible.

Lexa waited in silence by her warrior as Anya steadied herself.

“After the _Skaikru_ burned my men,” Anya began. “The Mountain Men came. They took... everyone. All the survivors. Even the _Skaikru_.”

Lexa's eyes widened involuntarily. A chill ran down her spine. Mountain Men...

“But how did you escape?” said Lexa. She knew her former mentor was good, but nobody.... nobody escapes the Mountain Men.

Anya shook her head, as if she did not even believe herself. “ _Skaikru Heda – Klok_ – She broke me out.”

Lexa did not believe this. The Sky People's commander? Who had days ago given an order to torch three hundred of her warriors... she saved Anya?

“I know it doesn't make sense,” said Anya. “I should have taken other warriors with me... I should have made her come here.. she was my captive...”

_"Pleni,”_ Lexa said. “Anya, do not blame yourself. I am only glad you are alive.” This was true. But Lexa also needed more information. She needed Anya to keep talking. “You said there were others?”

Anya nodded. “The Mountain Men... they have bad blood. It boils, but ours does not. They bleed our people so that they can have new blood.”

“They keep you alive... but that is torture...” Lexa shook her head, unable to fully understand. “And the Sky People... they were with you?”

Anya shook her head. “They were well fed guests,” she spat. “But this _Klok_... She did not trust the Mountain Men. She found me and the other prisoners. We escaped through the Reaper's tunnels.”

That would explain the injuries. Lexa still did not fully understand. “Why did this _Klok_ let you go? Where is she now?”  
  
Anya sighed. “She's with her people. East of here. You know the place. She let me go to talk to you.”

“And?”

“She says we have a common enemy,” Anya sighed, tired. “She said the only way to get our people out of the mountain is to work together.”

Lexa scoffed. “Using the information you have given us, we can rescue our warriors. We have no need of the _Skaikru._ ”

Anya grimaced. “I have to agree with the _Skai_ _Heda_. They have technology and guns. They will fight fire with...” she broke off, exhausted.

Lexa had so many questions, but she held them back. “Rest now. We will speak more of this _Klok_ in the morning.”

Anya's head drooped on her shoulders. Lexa stooped and picked up the body of her mentor, which looked smaller than she remembered it being. Gently, she carried her and placed her down in her own quarters, on her bed of animal skins. Then she returned to her throne.

“Indra,” she called. Indra was by her side at once. “Call our warriors back in. No one is to go near the _Skaikru_ camp. No one is to harm any Sky Person until I can speak with their commander.”

“ _Sha_ , _Heda_ ,” Indra nodded. She left the tent, and moments later, Lexa heard the howl of the horn calling the warriors home.  

* * *

  Lexa sent the scouts out the next morning. They returned hours later, bowing before they spoke.

“ _Heda,_ ” Quint spoke. “They have an armed guard around the perimeter. With guns.”

Lexa repressed an impatient sigh. There was no way she was having any of her warriors approach the _Skaikru_ camp with so many gunners around. Lexa did not trust them to hold their fire. She would just have to wait for the _Skaikru Heda_ to come to them.

Lexa dismissed her warriors.

“What do we do now?” Quint asked.

“Wait,” said Lexa. “We wait for her to come to us.”

 “Who is 'her'?”

“ _Klok, kom Skaikru._ ” And she left them, returning to her quarters where Anya was still laying.

Anya began to get up as soon as she saw her commander.

“Stay,” said Lexa. She sat down beside her. “I need to know more about this _Skai Heda.”_

Anya rolled her eyes. “She's stubborn. She's willful, she talks too much. But,” Anya added reluctantly, “She's smart, and intensely caring. And she's a healer.”

“A healer and a _Heda?_ ” Lexa was intrigued. “Do you believe she will come to us?”

Anya nodded. “Give it a day. She's not badly injured. She'll come to us.”

* * *

 Lexa's warriors sounded the alarm the next day, right on cue. She knew it must be the  _Skai Heda_ . Although there wasn't a battle that day, Lexa put on her war paint anyway, and dressed in her armor, red cape draped grandly over her shoulders. She checked her reflection in the small mirror above her bed. She did not want this  _Klok_ getting the idea that simply because  _Skaikru_ has guns that they have the upper hand.

“ _Heda!”_ Indra shouted. _“Klok kom Skaikru ste hir.”_

Lexa's heart jumped. She takes a steadying breath. She must not appear weak. She called for Anya, who came to her side in an instant, fully dressed in armor as well. Lexa nodded at her, and she nodded back.

Lexa entered her throne room and took a seat, Anya standing beside her. _“Teik in hir."_

Her guards threw back the skins at the entrance, and in walked _Klok._ Lexa was puzzled. She was young-- no older than herself. But she did not show her confusion.

The _Skai Heda_ was visibly shaking, although she tried to hide it. Lexa knew she had the upper hand.

_Klok_ did not address her directly, but instead spoke to Anya. “How are you feeling?”

Anya took a stiff breath. “I'll live.”

_Klok_ nodded, then turned to Lexa. “My name is Clarke. I come from the Sky People. I escaped Mount Weather with Anya.”

Clarke. _Clarke._ Not _Klok._ The name sounded different in the girl's native tongue. More graceful. Lexa made a note.

“Clarke,” Lexa said. The word felt strange on her tongue. She found herself hoping that the Sky girl would be impressed with her effort. “I thank you for your help in seeing Anya back to us.”

Clarke nodded stiffly. She was still nervous. Lexa enjoyed this.

“Unfortunately, for all your help, it is not enough,” Lexa began, sounding as commander-ly as she could. “You still have much to answer for. Your people have killed over 300 of mine. That is not something that I can ignore.”

Clarke was silent for a moment. Then to Lexa's amazement, she spoke strong. “Your people have been killing my people since the moment we set foot on the ground. That also could not be ignored.”

Lexa raised one eyebrow, and glanced at Anya. “This is true. If I listen to your terms, what would you have us do?”

“A cease-fire, on both sides,” Clarke said, almost pleading. “Peace with each other, so that we can fight the Mountain Men together.”

Lexa sighed. “This is easier said than done.”

“The Mountain Men have technology,” Clarke pressed. “So do we. You have knowledge of the ground. We both have people on the inside. We can stop them. The slaughter of your people has gone on too long, and I cannot let my people meet the same fate.”

Anya leaned in towards Lexa's ear. “I told you she was stubborn.”

Lexa almost smiled. “Clarke of the Sky people, I have already called for a cease-fire, to ensure your safe passage to us. Will you guarantee the same of your gunners?”

“Yes,” Clarke said. Lexa could see the relief spreading across her face. Her eyes looked brighter already. “You have my promise.”

“I will meet with your at your camp in two days time. There, we will start planning for the attack on the Mountain Men.”

 


	2. I know nothing of you

Lexa approached the _Skaikru_ camp with caution. Anya rode beside her, speaking not a word. Suddenly, she held up her hand.

“Stop.” Lexa reined her horse in. They stood on the edge of the treeline, enough to be seen, but barely.

They heard shouts from the camp. “Hold fire! Don't shoot!”

Anya nodded again, and they approached the camp gate. When they were still a ways off, Lexa heard a voice that she thought belonged to Clarke shout “Open the gate!” but the gate did not budge.

They halted at the gate. Lexa could not see Clarke. The guards sneered at them as they waited. She looked to Anya, who sighed impatiently.

“Open the gate!” came the order, but it did not come from Clarke. It came from an older woman, dressed plainly, but commanding much power. If Clarke was the _Heda,_ who was she?

The gate clicked open and swung in. The pair dismounted, leaving their mounts outside the camp boundary, and entered.

Lexa looked around, getting her bearings. The camp was grey, exposed, with only a humming fence in between them and her army. She held her head high, black warpaint concealing the unease in her eyes. There were too many guns here.

“Commander, welcome,” said the older woman, holding out her hand. “I'm Doctor Griffin. Please, come in.”

Lexa did not shake hands with her. Doctor? Where was Clarke?

“Where is Clarke?” she said. But just then, she saw her, running across the camp, hair streaming out behind her.

“Why wasn't I told they were coming?” Clarke demanded. The woman looked unconcerned.

“It's a leaders meeting,” she said, aloofly.

Anya and Lexa exchanged glances. “ _I thought you said Clarke was the leader?”_ Lexa asked her warrior in Trigedasleng.

“ _In the old camp she was,”_ Anya said. _“I know nothing of these people.”_

Clarke could sense their unease. “Please, come in,” she gestured into the Ark.

“But weapons stay outside,” Doctor Griffin said, sternly.

Lexa passed another look at Anya, who shrugged and dropped her spear. Lexa unsheathed her sword and let it fall with a clatter. A few of the Sky People jumped, which made Lexa smirk. She kept the knife that she had hidden in her sleeve. This wasn't Clarke she was dealing with.

They entered the Ark. Lexa felt uncomfortable. It was too clean. Too blank. It had no character to speak of. Clarke fell into step beside her, and Lexa felt a glow of pride, although she wasn't sure why.

They walked to a room where another man sat. Was he a leader too? They were outnumbered now, and Lexa tensed. She felt Anya do the same.

“Welcome, Commander,” The man said. He also reached out his hand. Lexa didn't take it. To his credit, the man did not dwell on that. “And Anya. I have heard much about you.”

“I'm sure you have,” Anya said, treading on eggshells. No doubt Clarke's people had told these newcomers about the attack at the dropship.

“My name is Chancellor Kane. I am excited to begin the talks of truce, and I have faith that together we can get out people out of Mount Weather,” Kane began.

"What business do you have leading these people?” Lexa asked quietly. She was not interested in formalities. “Is Clarke not your leader? Has she not been leading your people since they arrived on the ground?” She didn't dare glance at Clarke.

The Doctor sighed. “Clarke is my daughter. The kids came down before us, to see if the earth was safe.”

“You sent us down here, you mean,” said Clarke under her breath. Lexa heard. She wasn't sure if Doctor Griffin heard, for she did not react.

“Clarke was a temporary leader, until we arrived. Now, you deal with us.” Griffin said, staring Lexa in the eyes.

Lexa met the Doctor's eyes with narrowed ones. She wanted nothing more than to watch Clarke's reaction to this slight, but she dared not look away. Griffin would have to first. And she did. Victory.

The rest was war planning and strategy. Lexa found it difficult to tolerate the Skaikru leaders, but she had to admit that their technology was impressive. The Doctor had shown her the medical 'bay' (which Lexa found to be a strange word choice, nevertheless...). It was strange. Lexa had seen rooms like this, but underground in bunkers, with equipment that she nor her healers knew how to operate. The Skaikru handled the technology as naturally as her warriors handled blades.

Would it be enough to fight the mountain? Lexa wasn't sure.

Clarke seemed to think so, however. The girl, at times, seemed as frustrated as the Trikru with her own people. However, her faith never wavered. She strode around the leader's meeting (although Lexa didn't remember her ever being invited) suggesting tactics and offering schematics, doing more good than the rest of them combined. She even looked the part; scars on her face not yet healed, a steely look in her eyes, her shoulders pulled back and chin raised with authority. If not for her unnatural yellow hair, she could fit right in at Lexa's own war council.

Anya caught Lexa's eyes lingering on the Skai girl. She raised an eyebrow. The Sky people were too busy talking to notice. They chattered far too much.

Lexa clenched her jaw and tore her eyes away from Clarke. Anya smirked at her. Damn it. She focused her thoughts on the hundreds of people inside the mountain, the thousands that the mountain had already killed. Death. The perfect focal point. She could not afford such a petty distraction.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter because this little bit was killing my story flow. 
> 
> Chapter Three has actual things in it, I promise.


	3. Teacher

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I write what I know. Horseback riding. Sorry if it's cheesy.

 It wasn't until after the battle that Lexa let herself think of other things than strategy and warfare. Distractions were not an option for the commander, although there had been plenty of distractions. Namely, the _Skai Heda_ , who was called “Princess” by one of her own.

 _Skai Prinsa_. Clarke. She was quite the mystery to Lexa.

“Anya,” Lexa asked. “Can you tell me about your escape from Mount Weather?”

“Again? Lexa, I've told you fifty times,” Anya said, obviously annoyed. “And besides, there are new battle stories now.”

“Right,” Lexa said, disappointed.

“How about you tell me one of those?” Anya said. “For a change, child. I'm tired of telling you stories. That's not my job anymore.”

Lexa hit her. Anya grinned.

Lexa was not used to telling stories. She took a deep breath and began.

“I was on the battlefield. This was a different battle of sorts—more waiting than fighting—and I wasn't among my own. Beside me on all sides stood warriors, but there were others too. Sky men, with guns. I didn't carry a gun. I didn't trust guns, or the men that carried them.

But too my left stood a girl—S _kaikru_ —who also carried a gun with her. She was the Commander, _Heda, Prinsa_. On the front line with me. Her, I trusted.

Before the battle began, she looked at me, and in her eyes I saw no trace of fear. I only saw hope. And faith. Faith in the warriors, the gunners, the Skaikru, the Trikru... Faith in our people in the mountain. And faith in me. And I knew we were going to win.”

“Damnit girl,” Anya yawned. “Get to the battle. Are you telling a romance or a blockbuster?”

Lexa blushed. “You know what happened in the battle,” she said, trying to justify herself. “We fracking won.”

"That's right we did,” said Anya. “Thanks to your truce.”

“Thanks to you,” Lexa nodded, “For not killing Clarke.”

Anya grinned. “Too bad she's not the Chancellor, right?”

“She is though,” Lexa said. “Not in title, but she is. The _Skai Prinsa_.”

Anya gave Lexa a curious look. “Lexa,” she said, a warning in her tone. “I know you admire Clarke, but you have to remember who has the power here.”

Lexa nodded, but did not take her words to heart. Something in the back of her mind reminded her of Costia, but she ignored it. _Clarke is different. We're not in love, for one. Secondly, she does not know any of my secrets._

* * *

Lexa showed up the next day at Camp Jaha, with two horses.

“What is this?” Clarke said in an undertone once she was outside the gate.

“I thought I could teach you to ride,” Lexa said. Even as the words left her mouth, they sounded stupid. Clarke did not care to ride. Her people did not ride horses. Her people did not _have_ horses. Clarke had much better things to do, and she looked tired, and stressed out and--

“Now?” Clarke said, glancing behind her at the busy camp.

Lexa was fighting back a blush; she was not wearing war paint to hide it. “I understand. I can just go--”

“No, Lexa, wait.” Lexa's heart skipped. “I just need to tell someone where I'm going.”

Lexa nodded to contain her excitement. Minutes later, Clarke came back, carrying a small pack.

“What's in it?” Lexa asked, dismounting from her horse.

“Some water, snacks, a sweatshirt.. the essentials,” Clarke said. “Oh, and a radio. My mom wouldn't let me out of camp without one.”

Lexa suppressed an eye roll. Clarke wasn't a child. She shouldn't have to act like one. But right now was not a time to lecture Clarke on proper family dynamics.

“Here,” she said instead, handing Clarke the reins to the second horse, black in contrast to her white mount. “These are yours. We'll walk until we're farther away from camp.”

“Good idea,” Clarke said. “I don't want an audience if I fall off.”

Lexa had hand-picked Clarke's mount. She wanted a horse that was patient and forgiving of mistakes. Clarke's horse had taught Lexa as a child.

“What's his name?” Clarke asked once they were well on their way.

“ _Her_ name,” Lexa corrected as gently as she could. She still hated how harsh she sounded. “is _Soni_.”

“Sunny?” Clarke said. “Really?” She laughed. “A black horse named Sunny.”

Lexa did not understand the humor. “It is not polite to laugh at your mount.”

“Lexa, relax,” Clarke said. “I have a lot of respect for horses. I had never even seen one before that day we met Anya on the bridge. I actually thought they were a myth.”

Lexa scowled. That was not a good day.

“I'm sorry,” Clarke said, noticing her discomfort. “I didn't mean to bring it up.” She sounded almost angry with herself. “We're finally at peace and all I can talk about is warfare.”

“War stories,” Lexa said, half to herself. “That's all any of us can talk about.”

They walked in silence. Lexa hated herself then. This was not going as planned. What did she expect? Clarke was not used to warfare and bloodshed, although she should be by now.

They stopped in a clearing in the woods. They would be very much alone here, and the terrain was good for riding.

Lexa gave Clarke a leg-up onto the horse, who stood patiently as if glued to the ground. She swung into her own saddle.

“So, forward, you just jiggle your heels a little bit,” Lexa said. She gave a little demonstration, walking her horse in a circle.

Clarke heard Lexa make a kissing noise to her horse. She found this amusing. Lexa blushed ever-so-slightly.

“To stop, you just sit back a bit,” Lexa said, continuing as if she had not heard. “And pull back. Just gently though.”

Clarke also found this amusing. The commander was anything but gentle. In the saddle, she was transformed.

“To steer you just need to look where you're going and just pull a bit,” Lexa said, not sure how to explain this part. She felt Clarke watching her every move, and suddenly felt self-conscious.

“So, that's it really... I mean...” the Commander said, noticing Clarke's smirk and beginning to get flustered. “You can go faster and everything but the principle is the same.”

Clarke walked her horse around in a few circles between trees. The horse was being perfectly responsive, and Clarke was feeling confident quite quickly.

“Lexa,” she said, “I'll race you across the field.”

Lexa raised one eyebrow. “That is not a good idea.”

“Sure, come one, what could happen?” Clarke laughed. Lexa did not. “What? You don't think I can handle this?” she asked, almost pouting.

Lexa couldn't resist. “If you fall off...”

“You can say I-told-you-so,” Clarke rolled her eyes. “Ready? Set? Go!” She said, without much warning, and took off across the field.

Lexa was unfamiliar with this 'Ready-set-go' business, which was not fair at all, but she did not mind giving Clarke a head start. She followed quickly after, her horse closing the distance in no time. Soon they were side by side.

Lexa looked over at Clarke who was, admittedly, handling this well. Not everyone could put their life in the hands of an enormous animal traveling at a high speed, and not panic. Clarke didn't look panicked at all. She looked alive. Her hair was flying out behind her, golden curls sparkling in the sun. Her mouth was open in a disbelieving smile. Even her eyes were smiling. Lexa's heart skipped a beat. Or perhaps that was just her horse's misstep.

Just then, Clarke looked over at Lexa. Lexa's amazement was quickly crushed as she saw Clarke lose her balance and slip sideways. Her horse was responsive and slowed down, but the damage was done. A few strides later, and Clarke was laying in a tumbled heap in the field, her horse still running beside Lexa's.

“Clarke!” said Lexa, trying to crush the panic in her voice. She wheeled her horse around and came galloping back towards the Skai Princess, who had not moved from the ground.

Lexa did not wait for her horse to stop before jumping off, running the rest of the way. Clarke's hair fell over her face, her legs twisted around her. No... no...

“Clarke?” she said. “Can you get up?”

The Skai Princess stirred, raising herself to her elbows, and coughed. “Ouch,” she said, a slight grin spreading over her face.

The relief was visible on Lexa's face. “Are you okay?”

Clarke rolled her shoulders, shaking off stiffness. “I'm fine, just got the wind knocked out of me,” she said, beginning to rise to her shaky feet.

Lexa rose with her, catching her by the arms. “Slow down.”

“Lexa, I'm fine,” Clarke said, slightly exasperated. But Lexa could feel the girl's hands shaking. Lexa could feel her heart start to race, and she willed that the Skai Princess could not feel her pulse. She did not want to let go of Clarke's arms. Ever.

But Clarke broke away. “What about the horse?”

Lexa shook her head, clearing it. “She'll go back to the camp.”

“Sorry I messed everything up,” Clarke said in a low tone.

“Do not apologize, Clarke,” said Lexa. “I should not have let you go so fast.”

“Let me?” Clarke said. Her eyes were fire. Lexa felt scorched. Clearly, this was offensive.

“I do not mean—I only....” but Lexa was flustered and beginning to blush again. She instead focused on grabbing her horse's reins.

“Relax,” Clarke said. But she did not apologize. Lexa did not like her place in this conversation. It seemed that all day, Clarke had been the Commander.

“We're pretty far from camp,” Lexa said, “But I don't suppose you want to ride anymore.”

Clarke shrugged. “I'm not afraid.”

If she was lying, Lexa couldn't tell. She did not argue, just boosted Clarke up into the saddle of her own horse and swung on behind her. Her horse tossed her head impatiently. _“Chil au,”_ Lexa muttered, and forced a walk back to camp. The last thing she wanted was to upset the Skai Princess.

They rode in silence, Lexa's arms reaching around Clarke's waist to be able to steer the horse. Clarke soon asked if she could steer, and Lexa obliged, glad that she was sitting in back so that Clarke would not see her uncontrollable blushing. She did not mean for Clarke to be uncomfortable with the seating arrangement.

Lexa leaned back on her hands, which rested behind her now. By now she was also uncomfortable.

Clarke sighed, as if she knew. “Just...” she reached around, forgetting to let go of the reins. The horse tossed his head.

“Hey,” Lexa said sharply. “Loosen up before you do something stupid.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows but said nothing. She dropped the reins—not what Lexa had in mind-- and reached around, grabbing Lexa's arms and securing them around her waist.

“More comfortable?” Clarke shook her head, exasperated.

All Lexa could do was nod. Nod and blush, but Clarke saw neither of these things.

When they were in a clearing, Clarke nudged the horse on faster. Lexa held on tighter, not for her own balance, but to keep the Skai girl upright this time. She did not think that Clarke realized that Lexa was protecting her. This was good. Clarke did not think that she needed protection, Lexa thought, as they made their way back to camp. She's like us that way. I must not look upon her in pity.

They arrived at the Trikru camp as the sun was beginning to set. Lexa swung off of the horse first, then reached up to help Clarke down. Clarke clenched her jaw, refusing to be helped, and swung down herself, landing hard on the ground. Lexa saw her wince and pursed her lips, a slight scowl growing on her forehead. She was mostly angry at herself. Clarke obviously was capable of doing things on her own. Her efforts to help Clarke felt like a sickness.

“Dinner?” Lexa asked, deciding that switching topics would be easiest.

Clarke nodded, and Lexa was glad to see that her expression was no longer stony. “I am pretty hungry,” she admitted.

“Good. I will have my people prepare us something.” She began to walk further into camp, leading her horse. “Radio your people,” she said, pausing. “I don't want them to worry.”

“You don't want them to come looking for me,” Clarke corrected. “With the guns.” She said the last part smugly, taking Lexa's fear and using it as a power play. Lexa did not appreciate this. She promptly walked into camp, leaving the _Skai Heda_ alone with her radio and her pack.

After shouting some orders to some older women who sat by the cooking fire, Lexa stormed into her quarters, where she was surprised to see Anya waiting for her.

“So?” Anya said, looking characteristically bored. Lexa could tell she was interested, despite her expression. “How did it go?”

Lexa groaned and rolled her eyes, but did not reply. She was still in the midst of her annoyance. Clarke was stubborn and strong willed. And Lexa, usually so composed and confident, found herself unable to do anything but stupid things in the presence of the golden-haired girl.

“I told you she was difficult,” Anya said, inferring the younger girl's frustration.

“She's impossible,” Lexa said through gritted teeth. “She acts without thinking and she gets angry at me when I am only looking out for her best interests.” Lexa wasn't meaning to say all of these things, but they just kept pouring out. “I have been here longer than her. She should listen to me and she just simply does not. And I cannot make her listen to me.”

Anya smiled just a ghost of a smile. More of a smirk. Lexa scowled at her.

“Did _Soni_ take good care of her at least?”

Lexa pouted. “She fell off.”

Anya laughed. Lexa never pouted.

 _“Shof op,”_ Lexa growled, crossing her arms across her chest and slouching down into a chair.

“Glad you invited her around for dinner,” Anya said, sitting down beside her. “I absolutely love awkward dinners.”

Lexa continued to sulk and thoughts began to cross her mind. They were simply too different to get along, her Trikru and the Skaikru. Clarke was proof of this. She had given it her best shot, but a friendship would never do between the two groups. This would never go beyond a respect and perhaps a faint trust.

Lexa nodded, composing herself again, making a resolution to make this clear to Clarke. She was in charge here, not her.

Anya shook her head slowly, as if she knew what was on the Commander's mind. “Lexa,” she said. “Might I offer you some advice?”

Lexa gritted her teeth. “No, but I know you're going to give it to me anyway.”

“Just kiss her already. You're so wound up, it's actually painful to watch.”

Lexa punched her.

 


	4. Shipwrecked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which pickup-line!Lexa makes an appearance. Sorry not sorry.

All through dinner, Lexa was silent, working on composing the words in her head. She was going to tell Clarke what she had resolved in her mind. That they were just too different to work together like this. War was one thing, but this was different. Casual friendships were not ever going to be a thing.

But the end of dinner came before she could come up with the right words, and she resorted to scowling into her plate while Clarke and Anya talked lightly.

And then Clarke turned and spoke to her. 

 “Thank you for dinner,” was all she said. Her blue eyes flickered in the light of the candles that were lit on the table. The light was warm on her skin and her hair, which shimmered gently. Clarke did not smile, but her expression was not cold. It was enough to melt Lexa's icy disposition, if only for a moment.

And for a moment, Lexa forgot to be angry.

“It was my pleasure,” Lexa said although it wasn't true. She had spent the entire dinner without a word, which she now realized, she regretted.

“I'm sorry I lost Sunny,” Clarke said while they were strolling through camp in the evening.

“She'll turn up,” Lexa said. They were approaching Lexa's tent. She didn't know why that made her so nervous.

“Did you get your people on the radio?” Lexa said, trying to squash the nerves by talking about things she didn't really care about.

“Oh, yeah,” Clarke said hesitantly. “My mom... wasn't thrilled? I guess you can say.”

 _I put your daughter in almost constant danger, Doctor Griffin, sorry,_ Lexa thought. “About the riding?”

“About me staying here,” Clarke said. “Do you honestly think I told her I fell off?”

Lexa almost smiled at that.

“It is okay if I stay here tonight, right?” Clarke had realized her assumption and backtracked.

“Yes,” Lexa said simply. Obviously. “Although I think that the guest tent is a bit... primitive for a _Heda._ ”

“It's no problem, really Lexa,” Clarke said, little defensively. “I don't need special treatment.”

Lexa inhaled her frustration and exhaled it again before continuing, so that it would not show in her voice. “Clarke, I am not treating you in this manner because I believe you are weak.”

It was Clarke's turn to look uncomfortable.

“I am treating you in this manner because I know you are strong,” Lexa said, looking intently at Clarke, begging her to listen. “and I want to treat you with the respect you deserve.”

Clarke was silent, for once.

“You will stay in my tent,” Lexa said matter-of-factly. “Much more fitting for a princess.” She used the words that Clarke's people called her, hoping that it would cheer the _Skai_ girl.

Clarke frowned. “Princess?” she said, voice venomous. “Really?” She turned on her heel and exited Lexa's quarters, raising a clipped question to her guards about the location of the guest quarters.

Lexa could have kicked herself. She thought about calling Anya over to her tent, but realized that the older girl probably did not care to hear about her failures to communicate effectively with the _Skai_ girl. Not at this hour, anyway.

Obliviously 'princess' was not a respectful term. But Bellamy called her Princess. Perhaps only he was allowed to use the word.

Lexa undressed absentmindedly, her thoughts solely on semantics and Sky customs. Lexa had read from books as a child when she was learning English. The old language. King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table had been her favorite stories. The bravery. The romance. And for every King, there was a Queen. And for every Knight, a Princess. 

Lexa grew up and became a Knight. She did not understand why 'Princess' offended the Skai girl so.

Lexa curled up in her bed and blew out the candles by her bedside. She burrowed under furs and retreated into something very small.

She would talk to Anya in the morning. Anya would make sense of this.

* * *

Clarke slept later than Lexa, who used the time to seek council.

“Anya,” she whispered, standing by the older warrior's bed. “Anya, I need your help.”

Anya snapped awake, sitting bolt upright and grabbing a knife that had been laying under her pillow. Panic and anger in her eyes, she wielded the knife around at the enemy, which was of course, nothing.

“Relax,” Lexa said. She had not reacted to Anya's outburst. She knew her mentor too well.

“You said you needed help,” Anya hissed, but the energy was fading quickly from her eyes. “The _Skai_ girl did not shoot at you in your sleep, did she?”

Lexa almost laughed. “No. She's in the guest quarters.”

Anya raised an eyebrow. “That's not how one treats a _Heda_ ,” she said slowly.

“I called her 'Princess,'” Lexa said, offering no other explanation. She sank onto Anya's bed, who looked less than thrilled at the arrangement. “What possessed me to do that?”

“What indeed,” Anya shook her head slowly, marveling more at Lexa's emotional state than her actual problems.

“I thought it was regal,” Lexa muttered, half to herself. “I thought it was a compliment. I thought I was crossing cultures, but after the riding and the dinner... it was too much.”

“Child,” Anya said, gripping her former second by the shoulders and staring her in the eyes. _“Shof op._ Who cares? Clarke of the Sky People need not be anything to you. Our partnership is no more than a truce now that the war is won. If she angers you this much, you never have to speak with her again. Don't worry.”

Lexa bit her lip and tried to imagine a world where she would not have to see Clarke. She found she could not.

* * *

Clarke woke up entirely too late. Lexa found this both annoying and amusing. She wondered if the Sky people were often late sleepers.

Her answer was given shortly when Clarke arrived in her tent in a fluster. “Why didn't you wake me?” she said angrily.

Lexa was a bit taken aback. “I did not want you to be angry with me.”

Clarke exhaled loudly, running her hand through her hair. “My mother is going to kill me.”

Lexa suddenly felt a rush of pity for the girl. She was not angry at Lexa, but rather herself.

“Clarke...” she started to say, but then stopped herself. She pursed her lips. The girl looked so tired. “What is so important that you must return to camp today?”

“Everything,” Clarke replied with a bitter laugh. “I have so many things to do, Lexa. And I just... yesterday, with the riding...” she sat down at the feet of Lexa's grand chair, head in her hands.

Lexa was, admittedly, unsure of what to do with the wave of emotions Clarke was emitting. She decided to let the girl alone and stay silent.

“I thought once the war was over things would change,” Clarke said finally, breaking the silence. “Nobody's killing us anymore,” she said, with a trace of that bitter laugh again. She shook her head. “It's a wonder we survived this long.”

“It's a wonder any of us have,” said Lexa quietly, agreeing, although she wasn't sure what she meant by that. Of course her people survived. They are strong; fighters with every fiber, tooth and nail.

The pair lapsed back into silence again. Clarke didn't move, which Lexa found puzzling because did she not just say that she had work to do?

Lexa wasn't aware of when her hands had started braiding Clarke's hair, but she became aware of this when heard the blonde girl sigh and lean up against her chair. Immediately, she stopped.

"It's... okay,” Clarke said quietly. Lexa nodded solemnly although she knew Clarke could not see her. She continued braiding, her fingers combing through Clarke's blonde tangles. She could feel the blonde relaxing and breath by breath, she began to relax too.

“If you want to get away,” Lexa said, her voice low. “From Camp Jaha,” she licked her lips, her breath catching. “You can always come here.”

Clarke said nothing but made no motion to move either. Lexa was unsure of how long they sat there, but eventually, Lexa ran out of hair to weave intricately into braids.

“I feel like I look like Octavia,” Clarke said, feeling the side of her head, where the braids fell tightly against her scalp.

“Here,” Lexa said, offering Clarke her small hand mirror. Clarke took it.

“Wow,” she said, admiring the braids. “Wow,” she said again, as she began to scrutinize her appearance. She rubbed at the bags under her eyes, and picked at healing scars. “Why didn't anyone tell me I looked like ship wreck?” her tone was light, but Lexa knew it wasn't light enough.

Lexa wasn't sure what possessed her then to say anything in response. She had, just a few hours earlier, had been so upset with Clarke. Yet, the words pulled at her throat and came pouring out of her mouth and felt as strange as if she were speaking a foreign language.

“Shipwrecks are not nearly so beautiful.”

Lexa clenched her jaw, wishing to all the spirits that she had not allowed herself to say that. Clarke turned around slowly, the expression in her eyes puzzled.

“Thank you,” she murmured, meeting Lexa's eyes with her own. Lexa held the gaze as long as she could, willing her eyes to cover up her fear and begging her cheeks to not betray her with a blush. But it was Lexa who broke away first, blushing furiously, eyes traveling to her knees. Clarke would win this one again.

Clarke put a hand on Lexa's knee and rubbed her thumb across it, comforting. “Hey,” she said, seeking Lexa's eyes out again. “Seriously. Thank you. For everything.” The blonde smiled gently. Lexa almost smiled back.

“I know you have to return to Camp Jaha,” Lexa said, feeling the sudden urge to do make executive decisions or something to make herself feel more normal. “I will escort you there. I will also apologize to your mother for keeping you.”

“You don't need to--”Clarke began, but she was cut off.

 _“Heda,”_ Indra called from the tent entrance. She entered shortly after. “You are needed in the war room. Gus wishes to discuss training plans.”

Lexa nodded. “I will join him in a moment.” She turned to Clarke. “I'm sorry. This is my duty.”

Clarke smiled gently. She understood.

“Anya will see you safely to Camp Jaha, although I will not ask her to parley with your mother,” Lexa said, which earned a laugh from Clarke. A genuine laugh. Warm. It made Lexa's heart soar.

 


	5. Admiration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had entirely too much fun writing Raven. 
> 
> Bonus points if you can spot the Xena reference.

Clarke left to gather her pack and when she returned Anya was waiting for her.

Lexa could scowl, but Anya  _glared_ . Clarke didn't think it was personal, but she couldn't tell.

“Are we riding?” Clarke asked, trying to make small talk. They had shared a life-and-death experience. They should be able to talk about simple things.

“Would you walk the entire way back to your Camp?” Anya said humorlessly.

“Nope,” Clarke said simply. She followed Anya to the stables where she was greeted with a familiar face. 

“Sunny!” Clarke said, patting the horse's nose. “You _did_ come back!”

Anya rolled her eyes and mounted up. “Do you need me to help you?” she asked after she was in the saddle.

Clarke knew she wasn't getting any help, whether she needed it or not. She stuck her foot in the stirrup and managed to drag herself into the saddle, her muscles screaming in pain from her ride and fall yesterday. She tried to hide her wince, but knew she was unsuccessful because—was Anya smirking at her? Of course she was.

“Let's ride,” Anya said, spurring her horse into a canter.

Clarke pouted. “She's doing this on purpose,” she said to herself as she put her heels to Sunny's sides, willing her balance to hold out.

They traveled at a fair pace for quite a few miles. Clarke managed to find a rhythm to the horse's gait and settled into it. She was quite enjoying the ride. However, Sunny was surefooted but old, and they had to slow to a walk halfway to Camp Jaha.

Sunny was breathing hard. Anya's red horse was not, but she slowed anyway to match Clarke.

“Thanks,” Clarke said, a little breathless from the fast ride.

“You don't ride too poorly,” Anya said. “I was expecting you to fall.”

Somehow Anya's bluntness did not offend Clarke as Lexa's did. Why was that? She grinned at Anya. “Well, I had a good teacher.”

Anya grunted. “Lexa is rather talented.”

“At teaching?”

“At everything,” Anya said. “There is a reason she is _Heda_. She has many skills.”

Clarke smiled slightly at that. She didn't expect Anya to continue, but she did.

“Now that we are in a time of peace, the Commander will take a second,” Anya explained.

“I'm sure you're very proud of her,” Clarke said.

“Every day,” Anya said, quietly, with emotion that Clarke had not expected. Apparently Anya did not expect it either, for she decided to pick up speed again. Clarke followed, going as quickly as she trusted herself to go.

They reached Camp Jaha without stopping, although the horses were lathered and breathing hard despite the chill of the day.

“I'll stay here,” Anya said once they had reached the treeline. She glanced uneasily at the Ark.

Clarke shrugged sympathetically. She understood. “To be honest, I'd rather stay here as well.”

Anya did not turn to Clarke or divert her eyes from their fixated place miles away, but as Clarke was swinging her leg over the back of her horse, she heard the warrior say in a low voice:

“It doesn't show, I'm sure,” Anya began. “The Commander is... inscrutable. But she really admires you, Clarke.”

Clarke was stunned. Why was Anya telling her this?

“Our ways are very different,” Anya said, wheeling the horses around. “But you two walk the same path.” And with that she was gone, trotting off into the woods.

Clarke stood watching the warrior leave, unsure of what to think, unsure of what to feel. The Commander admired her? All that scowling and fluster... that was admiration?

In the end, she simply shook her head and walked back to camp, her hand drifting up to twirl her new braids between her fingers.

Admiration. Well, Clarke admired Lexa too.

* * *

 

“You've got an explanation for me?” Her mom met her at the camp entrance, arms crossed and—God, why was everyone scowling at her lately?

“Not really,” Clarke said. “Went riding, got dark, had dinner, stayed safe?”

“This morning,” her mother huffed. “Today, Clarke, I needed your help in the Med Bay. It's almost noon.” She eyed Clarke's braids with disdain. “How long did those take?”

Clarke did not want to appear immature, but she also could not stop herself from rolling her eyes. She did not need a lecture. “What do you need me to do?”

“Nothing now,” her mom said. “The work in Med is already done. Go talk to Raven. See if she and Wick can use you.”

Clarke shook her head and walked away, leaving her mom in a huff of disapproval. In hindsight, she probably should have taken her braids out before arriving at camp.

But they had taken Lexa forever. And she imagined that braiding meant something important to the Trikru, like, mega important. She also imagined that it was far beneath Lexa to braid someone's hair. The thought made her smile as she entered the engineering room.

“What are you grinning at, girl?” Raven greeted her. “Your mom's pissed.”

Clarke shrugged.

“That's the spirit,” Raven said, fiddling with some sort of contraption on the table. She looked up. “Nice hair you've got there, Clarke kom Skaikru.”

“Thanks,” Clarke said. She was beginning to blush.

“I wasn't being serious,” Raven said. “You look ridiculous. Octavia needs more practice.”

“It wasn't  Octavia ...” Clarke started, then stopped, rolling her eyes. “Never mind. My mom sent me to help you with stuff.”

“What stuff? You're useless, also, hello, who braided your hair?” Raven said, completely abandoning her work. “Please tell me it was Lincoln. I might cry.”

Clarke sighed. Raven was a pain. “The Commander,” she said as sarcastically as possible. Maybe Raven wouldn't believe her.

True to form, Raven just laughed. “The almighty Commander herself, braiding the Sky Girl's hair. That's something I would literally pay to see.”

“Right?” Clarke laughed it off, glad that Raven was going with this so easily.

“Although you did leave camp together yesterday....oh lord,” Raven said, the realization dawning on her. “You went horseback riding and then you braided each other's hair...I may be sick.”

“Well when you say it like that...” Clarke was blushing again. She composed herself. “But it wasn't like that.”

“So tell me how it was like,” Raven said, eyes narrowed with a calculating smile. “You and the Commander.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “She wanted to thank me for my part in the alliance. She thought teaching me to ride would be helpful.”

“Was it?”

“I'm very sore.”

“And the hair braiding?” Raven would just not let it go.

“I honestly have no idea,” Clarke blushed again. Raven noticed, but said nothing. Thank goodness. “So can I help you or...”

“I could use you to hold some wiring for me,” Raven said.

“Awesome.” Clarke moved into position and did exactly what Raven instructed of her, glad to have something to do.

“So after you frolicked through flowers and had your little slumber party,” Raven began once Clarke was  captive  holding wiring. “Did you watch shitty movies and make out or...”

Clarke gritted her teeth. Raven just laughed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my lovely reviewers! I was not expecting this much positive reception on this fic, so from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU.


	6. Years ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite the chapter title, this is not a flashback. 
> 
> I've been getting a few comments requesting more Lexa/Anya moments, so I thought I'd leave you with one for the weekend.

Anya returned later that evening. Lexa had been out training all day with some of the young warriors and she now sat in her tent, relaxing, with strict instructions to her guards that she was not to be disturbed except by Anya.

Lexa was almost asleep, lying on her bed, reading a King Arthur story from a very worn book. Anya approached her almost silently. Lexa did not look up.

“I hear you,” she said. “I'm not stupid.”

Anya looked slightly disappointed. “I should have come from the back.”

“I'm rather good at hearing, Anya,” Lexa said, finally putting a mark in her book and laying it to the side. “I would have heard you either way.”

“That's my girl,” Anya said quietly, sitting down next to her former second.

“You're acting strangely,” Lexa said, shaking her head in slight amazement.

“How so?” Anya leaned back and closed her eyes.

“You're...” Lexa didn't know how to explain. “I don't know.”

“Am I not allowed to be proud of my second?” Anya said, as if that settled the matter.

It did, for Lexa simply shrugged and leaned back on her bed as well. They were silent for a time. Lexa bit her lip, trying as hard as she could not to ask about Clarke. She breathed in a few times, as if to start speaking, but closed her mouth every time. A practice in self control. Sort of.

Anya groaned. “Clarke is fine,” she said after Lexa's fourth almost-question. “If that answers your question.”

Lexa found her cheeks beginning to turn red. “I hope her mom wasn't mad.”

Anya rolled her eyes. “You are a grown woman. So is she. Who cares about the doctor?”

Lexa nodded. “I just hope Clarke... I mean... yesterday could have gone better...”

“She doesn't hate you,” Anya said. “If that's what you mean.” Lexa could hear a slight smile behind her words.

“How do you know?”

“I told her you admire her,” Anya said, fighting back a laugh.

“You did what!?” Lexa's face turned ghostly white. She sat up in bed to turn on the warrior.

Anya just laughed. “You should have seen her face. You should see your face, come to think of it.”

Lexa was incapable of producing words. If Clarke didn't hate her before, she certainly did now. Why did she let Anya take the Sky girl home? She should have known the older girl would make a mess of things.

“Is not what you wanted?” Anya said, still laughing, but reining it in once she saw Lexa's expression.

Lexa remained silent, brow furrowed.  _I can't have been that obvious,_ she thought, her mind racing.  _That's impossible_ . She took a deep breath. “What is it that you think I feel for Clarke?” she asked her former mentor.

“Like I said,” said Anya. “Admiration.”

“What does that mean?” Lexa said, frustrated.

“Whatever you let it mean.”

“I could hit you,” Lexa growled through gritted teeth.

“Relax,” said Anya, finally managing to stop laughing. “I'm sorry. You just seem different around Clarke. Less stoic. Softer. ” Anya didn't say it out loud, but Lexa could hear the meaning in her words.

“ _You look like you used to. Around Costia.”_

“I'm not weaker,” Lexa said, the scowl settling back onto her forehead.

“I never said you were.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a short one. The next chapter is a little heavy and I wrote it while tipsy at 3 a.m. Needless to say, it needs some work. 
> 
> Have a great weekend everyone! Stay chill.


	7. Love light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sha-la-la-la my oh my...

It takes Clarke one week to come back to Lexa's village. The blonde strode in looking around the camp for a familiar face. She looked tired and worn out; her shoulders weighed down by an invisible weight. Lexa knew the feeling. She watched the girl from across the camp for a moment, wanting nothing more than to sweep the girl up in an embrace and never let go, not until the weight was eased off of her shoulders.

But, naturally, Lexa did not do this. She met Clarke in the middle of camp with a small smile. She liked the way that Clarke's eyes had lit up at the sight of her. Or perhaps it was simply the prospect of seeing someone she knew in a crowd of strangers. Regardless, Clarke's eyes were happy.

“Clarke,” Lexa said. “It is good to see you again.”

“You too, Lexa,” said Clarke, and she really meant it.

They walked to Lexa's tent, which was warm from the afternoon sun. Lexa offered travel-weary Clarke the seat at the foot of her bed. It was the comfiest one she had, and the girl sank into it with a sigh of relief.

“Busy week?” Lexa said, settling onto a stool.

“Something like that,” said Clarke. “Some drama at Camp Jaha that I don't feel like dealing with.” She ran a hand through her hair. “How was your week?”

Lexa shrugged. “Nothing unusual.” She wasn't really thinking about her week. She was thinking about Clarke, and how to get the weight off her shoulders. The Sky people liked to talk, right? She took a chance.

“Do you want to talk about anything?” Lexa said hesitantly.

Clarke let out a small laugh. “Do you really want to listen to my life drama?”

Lexa shrugged again. “You will find that I listen well.”

Clarke sighed and smiled at her, although her smile was a little sad. She looked down at the ground, gathering her thoughts. “There's this guy.”

_Oh no._

“Finn.”

_Damnit._

“And we had a thing, like, a few months ago?” Clarke said. “And like, it was really brief, but it could have been something more... but then his girlfriend Raven got here... anyway, Raven and I are super close, which is weird, but this guy, he should love her. He doesn't. He loves me.”

Lexa found herself not wanting to listen any more. She found herself  _feeling_ , way too intensely, as if her heart was being pulled from her chest and shoved down her throat. She could feel her pulse, and the blood draining from her face. She couldn't stop staring at the ground.

_Get it together,_ she willed herself.  _This is all nothing._ _Stop being weak._

“And—god, why am I telling you this?” Clarke said, looking at Lexa, who was visibly uncomfortable. “I'm so sorry. It's just... he loves me. But it's all wrong and I just don't love him back.”

“You don't?” Lexa said, her voice small and hopeful.

Clarke shook her head. “He doesn't understand,” she said. “But I didn't realize I was the rebound girl, or the side girl, or whatever.”

Lexa didn't understand half of that. She guessed it was something negative.

“But you and this, Raven... you do not fight?” Lexa said, trying to be a council to Clarke now that her initial shock had worn off.

“We do, but not about Finn,” Clarke said. “She's... something else,” the blonde said, with faint admiration in her voice.

Lexa was confused by this as well. “Is she.. are you and her...?”

“A thing?” Clarke finished with a tone that might have been helpful. But Lexa wasn't sure what do make of all this slang. Clarke laughed. “No. Although...” she mused.

Lexa pretended she did not hear the joke in the girl's voice. Pretended that she was the Commander, giving council to a warrior of hers. Detach. Solve the problem.

"If you and Raven are willing to put this in the past,” she began, “Then it should be in the past. It is not your fault that this Finn is unable to keep his emotions under control.”

“Right.” Clarke said. Lexa supposed she was satisfied with her council. She didn't know what else to say. So she decided to be honest. Her facade, her emotion-less wall already felt frayed and transparent. She might as well open up.

“I do not know what else to say, Clarke,” Lexa began. “I do not know much about you.”

“I know, Lexa, I'm so sorry,” Clarke said. “I don't want to be a burden, I just... I don't know who else to talk to.”

_You can always talk to me,_ Lexa wanted to say. “Did you love him?” This way she sounded interested. Not weak.

Clarke hesitated. “I don't know.”

The moment hung in the air between them, the weight of it, and the hope that it carried slowly sinking into Lexa's chest, catching her breath.

And the moment ruiner:

“But you slept together?”

“Lexa!” Clarke exclaimed, hand flying to her mouth. Lexa looked startled. She should not have said that.

“You don't just...” Clarke said, flustered, her cheeks turning red.

“I'm sorry!” Lexa said, wishing that she had said anything, anything but that. She had been doing so well.... “My people... it is not of much importance... wait,” nothing was coming out right. She took a deep breath. “My people talk freely of such things. I am sorry for my forwardness,” Lexa said, glad to see that Clarke was relaxing again. “I did not know.”

Clarke smiled gently. “You're cute when you're flustered,” she said, her change of mood sending Lexa's stomach into knots.

“I could say the same thing about you,” Lexa said, composing herself and raising her eyebrows.

Clarke turned away and cleared her throat. “Um, yeah, we did sleep together,” she said. “It was a one time thing.”

“Right,” Lexa found herself not caring about the answer anymore.

“Yeah,” said Clarke awkwardly.

Lexa frowned. “Forget about him,” she said quietly. “You have good friends.”

Clarke was silent then, and Lexa noticed her looking around the room at Lexa's things. Her eyes lingered on the bookshelf where the old books sat, bindings crumbling.

“You read?” she asked, making her way over to the shelf. “That was a stupid question, I'm sorry.”

Lexa smiled ever-so-slightly. “All warriors learn the old language.”

Clarke's fingers trailed over the spines of the books, resting on the largest one, which Lexa knew to be full of King Arthur stories.

“King Arthur,” she murmured, thumbing through the pages. “Bellamy would love this. He loves history,” she said, clarifying, when Lexa gave her a questioning look.

“This one's my favorite,” Lexa said, reaching over Clarke's shoulder to flip to a worn section of the book.

“What's it about?”

“A time long ago, when there was no king,” Lexa said. “The land was in chaos. But there was a magic sword and whoever could pull the sword from the stone was the rightful king. And it wasn't a knight or a prince to pull the sword. It was a boy. And he takes the sword and--”

Lexa stopped. She became acutely aware that Clarke wasn't listening. However, the Sky girl was gazing intently at her as if in awe.

“I can see it,” she said. “I can see it in your eyes.” Lexa didn't really know what she was talking about. She didn't care about her eyes, when Clarke's were so beautiful.

“What do you see?” Lexa breathed.

“Love light,” Clarke said, smiling. And Lexa knew in that moment that she could kiss the Skai girl. Just a moment, a fleeting one. She knew the moment was now. They were so close, and Clarke's eyes burned into hers.

But the moment passed.

“You talk about these stories,” Clarke continued. “And you're eyes are on fire. It's amazing.”

Lexa bowed her head, embarrassed.

“I wish more people could see you like this,” said Clarke softly.

"My people would consider this 'light' weakness,” Lexa said. She was not sad about it. It was simply a fact of life. “To them, I am a Commander of War.”

“I'm supposed to be that too,” said Clarke softly. “But I'm not as good at it as you are.”

“Clarke,” Lexa said gently, her throat going dry. She abandoned her thoughts then, as Clarke leaned her head against the commander's shoulder.

And there they sat, Clarke resting on the stronger one, who wasn't sure she was all that strong. But Clarke sighed and Lexa could feel the weight leaving her. And that was all that mattered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...look like da girl too shy
> 
> My original notes also included "DAMN IT ED SHEERAN" and "IT'S 3AM AND IDK WHAT THIS IS". Sorry, I guess :)


	8. Swears

Clarke did not return to Camp Jaha that evening.

“Raven,” she said over the radio, “It's me.” She picked the lesser of the two evils. Raven might tease her, but at least she wouldn't yell.

“You coming back? Your mom looks to be in a mood, over.” The girl's voice crackled through the line.

Clarke sighed. “No, I'm staying here,” she held the line open a moment longer, wondering if she should give any further explanation. “Lexa—Lexa's people wanted me to stay for dinner, over.”

“Lexa's people. Right,” said Raven, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Well can you please come back bright and early? Your mom will flip out otherwise, and I'm like, her second child so I'll take the heat. Over.”

Clarke laughed.

“And I'm not about that. Over.”

“I'll be home early,” Clarke said. “I promise. Over.”

“And Clarke,” Raven said. Clarke braced herself. “Sleep well. Over.”

Clarke turned off the radio with a small shake of her head. She had been expecting a lot worse.

Clarke tucked the radio in the corner of the guest tent she had taken residence in. Lexa was right, it was a far cry from the Heda's quarters. She found herself wishing that she hadn't snapped at Lexa about the issue before. She really didn't mind where she slept. She was being petty.

She went to find Lexa, who, it turns out, had taken the moment's pause to go change, or so her guards said. They stepped aside, letting Clarke in, so Clarke figured she was finished.

But she wasn't.

“Oh Lexa,” Clarke muttered, averting her eyes and turning towards the doorway. “Shit, I'm sorry.”

Lexa had been standing half-obscured behind a curtain, topless, her armor slid halfway down an arm as she pulled it off. Clarke tried to get the image out of her brain, but all that surfaced to the top of her mind was, “Damn. She's fit.” _Although,_ Clarke thought, her face turning what she's sure was the most violent shade of red, _I'm not sure what I expected, duh, she's a warrior. Of course she's in shape--_

“It's okay, Clarke,” Lexa said. There was a shuffling of clothes. “I'm finished.”

Clarke turned around slowly, eyes still screwed shut, face red. “I'm so sorry,” she said again, opening her eyes, though she still grimaced. “Your guards, they let me in....”

“As I have said,” Lexa explained slowly. “My people do not take shame in such things.” But Clarke could see that her cheeks were just a shade flushed. No shame, huh?

“I thought we could go for a swim?” Lexa said. “Anya has decided she is fit enough to resume her training duties.” Meaning Lexa was free to spend the afternoon with Clarke. Clarke was flattered.

"It's a bit cold,” Clarke said hesitantly. The grounders may be used to swimming in this weather, but Clarke was barely used to swimming at all. The prospect of a freezing dip did not impress her.

“The water isn't,” Lexa said. “I'm not sure how to explain.” She smiled her slight smile. “I promise you will enjoy it.”

Clarke shrugged. “Sure. Only I don't have any other clothes.”

“You won't need them,” Lexa said, then, to cover herself. “I mean—I only... You can borrow mine. Some of them.”

Clarke laughed. Lexa was so flustered. “Lets go swimming.”

 

* * *

The hike to the water was uphill and quite a walk. Clarke was breathing heavily by the time the pair got to the summit. Lexa felt slightly bad.

“You'd think,” Clarke huffed. “I would be in decent shape by now.”

Lexa shrugged. She was unsure if she should pretend to be out of breath as well, if only to make Clarke feel better. She settled for a head shake. “Hills.”

“Hills suck.”

Sky people slang.

“Teach me something,” Lexa said, as they continued walking across the hilltop through the trees.

“Like what?”

“Hills _suck_. What does that mean?” mused Lexa.

“You just want me to teach you swear words,” Clarke realized. This made her smile widely.

Lexa sighed, hiding a grin under a bowed head. “Yes, Clarke. Teach me.”

“Okay,” Clarke forgot her tiredness and skipped up to walk beside the grounder. “Because you're a beginner we'll start with 'damn'.”

“I know that one already.”

“Damn,” Clarke said, her grin begging Lexa to laugh at her joke. Lexa raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips.

“You're not funny.”

“Whatever,” said Clarke. “How about 'shit'?”

“Shit?”

“Ah, my god.” Was Clarke laughing at her? “You're adorable.” She _was_ laughing at her. And 'adorable' was not an acceptable way to describe the Heda. She almost scowled at the blonde, but Clarke looked like she was having so much fun. Lexa found she didn't have the heart.

Didn't have the heart. Anya was right. She was getting soft.

“Anyway, shit is like... stuff, but for some reason it's bad?” Clarke said. “This is weird,” she laughed to herself. “I never had to explain slang to someone before.”

“I will understand eventually,” Lexa said. “Do not worry.”

Clarke gasped in mock surprise. “I do not swear that much!” Then she gasped for real, grabbing on to Lexa's arm. “Lexa! Look!”

Lexa thought Clarke must be able to hear her heart beating through her chest. Clarke pointed excitedly through the trees, grinning broadly.

“This is where you're taking me?” Clarke's voice was filled with excited wonder. “Hot springs?”

“Is that what you call them?” Lexa muttered. But she didn't really care about the answer. Clarke was still gripping her arm, and the smile that graced her face was more radiant than the sun.

“Lexa,” Clarke took off, running the rest of the way through the woods until she stopped at the edge of the treeline which overlooked the springs. The steam rolled off of them in billows, masking the trees behind them in a blue haze. The water was particularly blue today, Lexa noted, although for all of Clarke's wonder, Lexa wasn't sure it would have mattered.

Clarke stood there for a moment smiling in amazement and taking the scenery in, as if painting the entire thing with her eyes. “This is... wow.”

Lexa let Clarke have the moment. She began to undress until she was just in a thin undershirt and boxers. She usually would not have gone swimming with clothes on, but something told her that Clarke would be more comfortable this way.

Clarke tore her eyes away from the scenery. “You ready?” said Lexa.

Clarke stripped down as well, remaining, like Lexa, in a tank top and boxer shorts. Lexa found her breath catching in her throat. Clarke bit her bottom lip in a rare moment of shyness. That was enough to make Lexa's knees weak. “Let's go,” she said, striding off towards the lake before she could do something stupid.

Clarke trailed Lexa on the short walk down. “I don't know how to swim, you know,” she said. The pair waded in to their knees. “Oh wow,” Clarke said. “It's like, so not cold.”

Lexa laughed lightly. “It's not very deep,” she said. They kept wading until the water was nearly waist high. “Unless you go over there,” she pointed to a rock that jutted out from the shore. “We used to jump off it as kids.”

Clarke got a mischievous look in her eyes. In the moment that Lexa took to dwell on her childhood, Clarke got behind her and shoved her forward into the water.

Lexa could have probably stopped herself from falling, but she chose not too, going under hearing Clarke's laughter. She stayed under for a few moments, locating Clarke's position, then she tackled the blonde's legs like a shark, sending the girl under as well.

Lexa broke the surface with a laugh. “Ha! Victory!” But the blonde did not resurface.

 _She can't swim,_ Lexa realized the weight of Clarke's earlier statement. _Damn._ She dived under, grabbing the Sky girl and pulling her up. It had only been a few seconds, but Clarke was limp in Lexa's arms, her head lolling against her shoulder.

“Clarke,” Lexa hissed. “Damn it, Clarke! Clarke, I'm so sorry... shit...”

Clarke opened one eye. “Lexa...” she said weakly. “You... you... you _swore_ for me.”

Lexa blinked in shock. “What?”

Clarke burst out into laughed. Lexa promptly dropped her into the water.

“Lexa,” Clarke said, doubling over in laughter. “Your face... oh my god, I'm not an idiot, we're standing in like, three feet of water.”

Lexa was dumbfounded. “I thought... you...”

“It was a joke!” Clarke said through her laughter. “Ha, ha, ha? Lexa?”

Lexa scowled. “You dying is not a joke, Clarke.”

“Oh, come on, Lexa,” she said. There was not a trace of weight on her shoulders now. Her face was brighter than Lexa had ever seen it. She stared too long, losing herself in Clarke's smile. Clarke splashed her in the face.

Spitting water from her mouth, she turned to the Sky girl. “You are a child, Clarke kom Skaikru,” she said through gritted teeth.

“You are too,” the girl said, splashing her again.

Lexa grinned involuntarily. “Clarke,” she said, trying her best to sound threatening. “You have made a grave mistake.”

“Really?” Clarke said, feigning innocence.

Lexa tackled her again, pushing her under and pulling her back up again. A splash battle had commenced. Clarke's laughter split the silence of the day, and in time, Lexa found herself laughing out loud too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I say slow burn, I mean it. 
> 
> Alright, so this chapter officially catches me up to the present day, meaning, I'm writing as I post now. Updates may be slower. I also have a massive senior project due in the upcoming week, so forgive my absence if it comes to that. Fear not, I will not abandon the fic :)
> 
> Original notes for this chapter: FERRIS BUELLER YER MY HERO


	9. Wouldn't it be nice

They stayed in the water until their feet got wrinkled, then retreated, shivering to their clothes under the trees.

Lexa desperately had tried not to stare at Clarke all day, desperately tried to not notice the freckles on her face and shoulders, and the way her eyes lit up when she laughed. But she knew her eyes lingered far too long.

And Clarke could see it. She could see the Commander's heart in the depths of her eyes. And Clarke found herself loving her for it.

Lexa's laugh was beautiful.

The pair lingered at the edge of the water for a while longer, sitting shoulder to shoulder, watching the sky grow orange.

“We should head back,” Lexa murmured, breaking the silence that had lapsed between them. Clarke had started to shiver. Lexa pulled off her outer layer of clothing and handed it to the Sky girl. “Please.”

She thought for a moment that Clarke would refuse. The Sky girl was stubborn and in taking Lexa's shirt, she would be admitting to weakness. And in truth, the girl's eyes steeled over for a moment, but she took the shirt, pulling it on and wrapping her arms around herself.

“Thanks,” she muttered. “If you get cold, let me know.”

Lexa shrugged. Being with Clarke had given her so much warmth, she didn't think it was possible for her to ever be cold again.

Anya would surely notice. Lexa found herself not caring.

The pair walked back to Lexa's camp, mostly in silence, occasionally bumping shoulders and not apologizing. Lexa's heart was light for the first time in years. It took a while for her to notice that Clarke was staring at Lexa as they walked. The girl was smiling in amazement.

“What?” Lexa asked, turning red.

“You're smiling,” Clarke said. “And you haven't stopped since we got out of the water.”

“Do you want me to not smile?” Lexa said.

Clarke only laughed and grabbed Lexa's upper arm, clinging to her as they walked. Lexa didn't stop smiling, although her stomach dropped a few unpleasant inches as Clarke's hand slid down her arm and came to rest in her hand, fingers interwoven.

They returned to Lexa's camp as the sun was setting. As they approached, they could hear voices from within the camp--just general chatter--and Lexa stopped, frowning. Her hand was still wrapped in Clarke's. The warmth which had infected her all afternoon quickly dissipated. And Clarke's grip, which felt so strong, began to weaken her.

“What's wrong?” Clarke said. She looked at the camp full of grounders, and she realized Lexa was afraid. “Hey,” she said, dropping her hand away. “It's fine. Let's just go inside.”

Clarke brushed up against her shoulder and began her walk into camp. Lexa followed a stride behind, tears welling in her eyes.

She managed to put on her “Commander mask” by the time she got to the camp. She nudged Clarke, their eyes meeting. Lexa's eyes begged forgiveness and Clarke's eyes gave it to her willingly.

“I'll get us something to eat,” Lexa murmured. Clarke nodded and headed off to the guest quarters.

“Clarke,” she called after her. Her voice wavered. “Meet me in my tent?”

Clarke hesitated, then nodded.

Lexa ran into Anya on the way to get food. Perfect. Lexa's emotions felt frayed and tired. Too much for one day. She knew Anya would notice.

The older warrior came up and muttered in her ear. “You okay?”

Lexa nodded, willing her eyes to stop leaking. She blinked back tears. Shit.

“Did she hurt you?” Anya whispered, her voice deadly serious. Lexa almost smiled. Over-protective sister at her finest.

“Not yet.” Lexa's voice was a whisper, broken by a sob. She turned her face away from the camp, looking into the treeline and willing that the other people in the camp would ignore her presence.

And Anya did something that she hadn't done in years. She came in front of Lexa and wrapped her arms around her, enveloping her entire body, and Lexa felt very small. And she bowed her head into Anya's jacket and cried.

“What's wrong?” Anya murmured gently, her hands stroking Lexa's hair.

“It's just... too nice.” Lexa couldn't control her voice, couldn't get it above a whisper. “It's so lovely and light and it just can't be.”

“What's so lovely?”

“Me. With Clarke.”

Anya sighed. “Alexandra,” she said, drawing Lexa's face up so that their eyes met. “I have watched you suffer long enough.” She drew her thumb across the Commander's cheek, wiping it dry. “If you have a chance at life, take it.”

Lexa nodded, her breath still ragged from crying. Anya leaned forward to touch her forehead to the younger girl's.

“Thank you,” Lexa breathed.

Anya straightened up, face hardening once again. “Go and do what you need to do.”

Lexa nodded, taking comfort in the ease of taking orders from her mentor. She drew her shoulders back, breathing deeply and drying her eyes. She strode away, grabbing Clarke a bowl of food from the elders at the fire. She did not grab one for herself. Crying had taken any appetite she had.

Lexa ducked into the tent passed her guards. Clarke was seated in the seat she had taken earlier, combing her hair out from their swim. She met the blonde's eyes a little nervously. “I brought you some food,” she said, handing her the bowl. “In case you were hungry.”

“Thank you,” Clarke said. “None for yourself?”

Lexa shrugged. “I'm not very hungry.”

Clarke furrowed her brows. “Hey,” she said, “Are you okay?”

Lexa pursed her lips. The blonde had noticed her eyes. Her stupid, crying eyes. She turned away. “Yes,” she said lowly, though she knew Clarke would not believe her. “Eat,” she gestured. “I'll get us some dryer clothes.”

She retreated behind a dividing cloth in her tent, leaving Clarke alone. Try as she might, she could not pull herself together. She sorted through clothes, leaving half of them in an uncharacteristically messy heap on the floor. She chose white from her pile for Clarke. That seemed to be the only important thing, although she wasn't sure why.

“Lexa?” Clarke said hesitantly. “I'm going to take the bowl back to the elders. Is that okay?”

Lexa's voice was forceably low. “Yes,” was all she could make out.

“Teach me something,” Clarke said. “How do I say 'thank you?'”

Lexa smiled and managed to blink away the remaining tears. “ _Mochof,”_ she said.

Clarke let out a little laugh. “Mochof,” she repeated. “Got it.”

While Clarke was gone, Lexa pulled on the grey jumper she had located for herself and sat herself on her bed, reading in Clarke's absence.

Clarke was gone longer than Lexa assumed she would be. When she finally reappeared in the tent, she was shaking her head in slight amusement.

“They did not make fun of you, did they?” Lexa asked. The elders were mostly old women, and they no longer watched their tone with anyone.

“No...” Clarke said. “But they did ask me an alarming amount of questions in Trigedasleng. I think they assumed I spoke more than a few words.” She gave a small laugh. “But no, I also ran into Anya on the way back? She gave me a weird father-with-a-shotgun stare.”

“I do not know what that is,” Lexa said.

Clarke shook her head again. “Never mind,” she said. “It's unimportant. What are you reading?” Clarke said, crawling on Lexa's bed and sitting beside her.

“Something new,” Lexa said. “My scouts found it after we took the mountain. It is the first of seven books about a young boy who has just found out that he is a wizard.” Lexa pursed her lips. “I am confused by this concept of wizards.”

Clarke leaned in closer to look over Lexa's shoulder. “Merlin is a wizard, right? From the King Arthur stories?

“A warlock,” said Lexa. “Is that the same thing?”

“I think so?” said Clarke. “I'm pretty sure-” she broke off, yawning.

“Swimming is tiring,” Lexa said, putting down her book. She drew up the pelts on her bed so they were covered up to the waist. She leaned up against the headboard, closing her eyes in a moment of peace.

While Lexa's eyes were closed, Clarke moved closer under the covers and laid her head on Lexa's shoulder, nuzzling into her.

Lexa opened one eye. “Comfortable?”

“Yeah...” Clarke said, her voice fading.

Lexa's heart was hurting. Clarke was... so.... 

“Do you want me to take you back to your tent?”

“Can I just... stay.. here?” Clarke was drifting into sleep. Lexa did not reply, she just wrapped her arms around Clarke's shoulders and eased her into the bed. She pulled the pelts tighter around Clarke and even gave her a few extras. Then she slipped into bed beside Clarke.

Clarke's closeness was already intoxicating, and Lexa certainly didn't expect the Sky girl to move any closer to her. But Clarke moved closer until she was nuzzled up against Lexa. And possibly in her sleep, though Lexa was uncertain if this was really the case, Clarke reached out and wrapped an arm around the grounder girl, arm resting on Lexa's waist.

Lexa didn't know how she was going to keep breathing. Clarke stole her very breath. But soon, Clarke's breathing slowed and hers did as well. She returned the gesture and the pair lay in bed, locked on to each other in some unspoken desperation for comfort, for warmth.

Lexa was mostly sure that Clarke was asleep. In fact, she was positive that the Skai girl had drifted into unconsciousness long before, so she leaned in and gave Clarke a kiss on the crown of her head. Her lips lingered for a moment on Clarke's hair, which glowed almost white in the moonlight that was streaming through the tent. Lexa was positive that Clarke was asleep. It was what gave her the courage to do it.

Clarke wasn't asleep.

 


	10. I want to feel weightless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Fluffy.

Lexa woke in the early morning hours freezing cold. The sun was visible through the tent and trees, but it had not yet warmed the air. Also, Clarke had stolen all of the covers. The girls' arms had de-tangled during the night, but Clarke was still snuggled up against Lexa, whose mild annoyance immediately disappeared at the sight of the sleeping girl. She was so peaceful. Lexa traced her fingers ever-so-lightly over Clarke's brow, sweeping her hair out of her face.

Lexa let Clarke sleep a moment longer, dressing herself for the day in the meantime. She was determined this time to escort Clarke back to Camp Jaha. She dressed accordingly; not full war gear, but not casual dress either. Blacks on blacks; a leather overcoat and a thin shoulder piece which covered her heart. She even debated putting on her warpaint. She had a reputation to uphold among the Skaikru; the ruthless Commander.

Clarke...Clarke could make her  _just_ Lexa. Nevertheless, Heda Alexandra could never appear to be  _just_ Lexa, especially among the Skaikru.

The warpaint was too much though. They were in a time of peace.

Lexa gave a final look at Clarke, sleeping curled into Lexa's bed, burrowed beneath a small mountain of furs. She regretted having to wake her and send her back to reality. For a few precious hours, they were suspended in time. But those hours were up.

“Clarke,” Lexa shook the Sky girl's shoulder gently. “Time to get up.”

The blonde stirred, then, groaning, curled up tighter into the furs. “No...” she muttered.

“I do not wish to anger your mother,” Lexa said, though in truth, she didn't care what the doctor thought. But Clarke did.

With a huff, a sigh, and a groan, Clarke rose from the bed. Her hair was a tangled mess and her borrowed overshirt was wrinkled. Lexa was puzzled as to how a person could get out of bed looking that adorable. She stared too long, for even Clarke in her half-awake state noticed. “Morning to you too, sunshine,” she said coyly. “Nice outfit,” Clarke remarked, turning her back on the commander as she stripped. “You planning on fighting my mother?”

“No,” Lexa said, averting her eyes to the ground. She lost all train of thought and tried not to peek at Clarke. But Lexa found she had little self-control.

“But you want to look the part,” Clarke said. She also pulled on a shoulder piece, clipping it into place over top of her flight jacket. “I get that.” She turned around. Lexa pretended she had been staring at the ground the entire time. “How do I look?”

“Like a  _Heda_ ,” Lexa said, in pure awe of the girl in front of her.

“Not a Princess?” Clarke said, half teasing.

“Not unless you want to be,” said Lexa, diplomatically.

Clarke laughed, then sighed, face falling suddenly. “We should probably get going.”

Lexa had instructed her people to saddle the horses, and they waited by the entrance to the camp. Clarke rushed at Soni, throwing her arms around the horse. “Hey girlie!” Clarke said, affectionately patting the horse's neck. Lexa was relieved at her reaction, but not surprised. Clarke struck her as the forgiving type.

The pair rode together in silence until they were well outside the camp. Lexa found herself wishing that Clarke would say something, anything, because she simply could not.

_Clarke, yesterday was the best day I have experienced in a long time. I managed to forget—not forget entirely, but let go of her memories just for a few hours. I haven't been able to free myself of her for years. It is as if you have pulled the weight from my shoulders, and pulled me out of nightmares into summer._

“Lexa?” Clarke said tentatively, bringing Lexa out of her pensiveness. “Is everything okay?”

Lexa did not want Clarke to worry, so she gave her a smile—a small one, perhaps even a little sad. “Everything is fine.”

Clarke nodded. She looked like something was on her mind as well. But she didn't speak of it. Not right away at least.

“Thank you for escorting me back to Camp Jaha,” she said. “I know you could have had a guard do that or something.”

Lexa frowned. The thought had never crossed her mind. “You are my friend,” she said. “I don't wish to let you walk alone.”

It was Clarke who smiled sadly at that. She looked ahead through the trees, at something far in the distance. “I don't want to go back,” she said quietly. “With you, everything is simpler.”

Lexa bit her lip. Simple? But she just let Clarke continue.

“God, Lexa,” Clarke said, frustrated. “I had so much fun yesterday. That... that was what I dreamed life on Earth would be like.”

“I am glad, Clarke,” said Lexa.

“I know I can be difficult,” Clarke said. “Even, like right now, why am I talking so much? I'm so sorry.”

“I do not mind,” said Lexa, the slightest bit amused.

“See, and then you do this!” Clarke said. She sounded almost angry, although Lexa assumed that that was not her true feeling. “You just wait, and you listen. Nobody else does that.”

Lexa shrugged, the compliment not resting comfortably with her. She was not used to compliments like this. Not that it wasn't appreciated.

“If you ever need to talk,” Clarke continued. “I promise I'll be there for you. Okay?” She looked into Lexa's eyes, making sure that the grounder understood. Lexa wanted so badly to say something, anything then. But her heart was in her throat and her teeth gritted together involuntarily and so she just nodded.

They rode the rest of the way through the trees in silence. When Clarke halted at the treeline and dismounted, Lexa did the same, although she knew Clarke would think it unnecessary.

“Thank you again.” Clarke stared at the ground, patting Soni absentmindedly.

“Clarke...” Lexa began, but she didn't know where to go from there. She settled for “I hope you can visit more often.” Lame.

Clarke gave her a half-smile. Lexa returned it. She was just about to leave when Clarke spoke again.

“Last night...” Lexa's blood ran cold. “Lexa, did you... kiss me?”

Lexa paled. “I thought you were asleep.”

Clarke shook her head. She was smiling. Somehow, this did not make Lexa feel better.

“When Anya said that you 'admire' me, I didn't think she meant like this.” Clarke's tone was light, almost teasing. Lexa tensed, preparing herself to shut down and turn to stone.

Perhaps Clarke could see the tension written on Lexa's face. Lexa was usually so careful. This would have never happened if she had been in front of her people. But she was alone with Clarke, and for some reason, the walls which she had so carefully constructed were crumbling involuntarily.

Clarke looked at Lexa...was it pity in her eyes? An apology? They were shining, regardless. “Hey,” she said gently, grabbing Lexa's hands, fingers interlocking once again. “Don't freak out.”

Lexa nodded, clenching her jaw. She took a deep breath, praying that Clarke would have the grace to just forget the whole thing.

“Lexa, relax, it was just a kiss on the forehead,” Clarke said earnestly, seeing the girl's discomfort. “And really,” she took a step closer. “I don't mind.”

Lexa swallowed. “What do you think of me, Clarke?” She needed to know she wasn't over-stepping her boundaries. Needed to know that Clarke admired her too, as Anya had said.

Clarke smiled. “You're lovely.”

And suddenly, Clarke was kissing Lexa, and Lexa was kissing Clarke. Clarke drew her arm around Lexa's waist, pulling her closer and Lexa went willingly, entwining her finger's in Clarke's hair. Lexa couldn't breathe. She could hardly remember her name.

They broke apart, breathless, still clinging to each other in quiet desperation. Lexa leaned her forehead into Clarke's, and they rested there, eyes closed.

“Heda,” Clarke whispered. “I'm impressed.”

Lexa returned the compliment with a quick kiss, drawing a slight moan from the Skai girl's lips. Lexa pulled away. “We should get going,” she said, although she didn't want to. She wanted nothing more than to stay under the trees, one hand in Clarke's hair, the other--

“Tease,” Clarke muttered, but she smiled in the end.

They left the horses by the treeline and walked to Camp. Despite their previous moment, they walked apart, shoulders drawn back and chin's raised high  in defiance. In that moment, they were Hedas; to Clarke's people, they were nothing more.

 

* * *

 

Clarke felt braver. Lighter. More alive than she had felt in a long time. This whole thing... it made sense. Lexa and her, her and Lexa. Heda and the Princess.

She had not had a crush since she got to the ground. Since Finn fucked everything up. She always thought Lexa was beautiful, but now she allowed herself to feel entirely. And the feeling didn't hurt. For once, something on the ground wasn't painful.

She couldn't contain her smirk at her mom's expression as the pair of them approached the camp. She looked relatively pissed.

“Clarke,” she said in a curt greeting. “Commander,” She nodded respectfully, eyeing Lexa's rather intimidating outfit.

“Doctor,” Lexa nodded. Clarke knew she would hate to give her mother the satisfaction of an apology. Clarke suddenly didn't want her to say anything at all. There was nothing to apologize for.

“Thank you for allowing Clarke to visit my camp,” Lexa began. “She is learning much about our way of life.”

Clarke almost laughed. An educational field trip. Best way to win over the parents. Lexa knew something about Sky culture. Or maybe that was a universal truth.

“She better be,” Abby said. “For all the time she's spending away.”

Lexa raised her eyebrows. She did not continue with an apology. Clarke felt a swell of pride. “Can Camp Jaha use any supplies? Winter is coming. You should be prepared.”

“We'll do fine on our own, thanks,” Abby said. Clarke furrowed her brow. No, they wouldn't. Her mother should take the deal. This wasn't a power play. Lexa just didn't want her allies to starve.

Lexa only nodded, but she glanced at Clarke, who flared her nostrils in slight frustration. Lexa smiled.

Abby noticed the exchange. Clarke knew she would hear about it later. So much for Lexa making peace with the mother.

“Clarke, ten minutes, med bay?” Abby said, although it was more of a command than a question. “And then Bellamy needs your help with the weapons.” She turned on her heel and left.

Clarke turned to Lexa, biting back laughter. “Oh my god...” she muttered.

“I'm sorry, Clarke,” Lexa said. “I couldn't apologize.”

“I'm glad,” Clarke said. “She's too prideful for her own good. I think she thinks you're a bad influence on me.”

“Am I?” Lexa said.

“Oh yes,” Clarke said sarcastically. “All that riding and swimming and,” she gasped in fake horror. “Fun! How dare I?”

The joke earned her a smile from the Commander. She grabbed Lexa's arm. “Come on,” she said, pulling her towards the interior of the camp. “I want to show you around.”

Lexa glanced around a little uneasily. “It's okay,” Clarke said. “You're with me.”

That fact didn't seem to matter much to the people of Jaha, who threw their fair share of judgmental glances at the pair of them. Clarke was reminded once again that although their treaty stood in theory, the two groups had inflicted too much damage on each other to truly trust each other.

“Raven!” Clarke spied her friend, fiddling with some technological contraption. “Hey!”

“Hey,” Raven said, looking cautiously at the Commander on Clarke's arm. “Nice of you to finally show.”

Clarke laughed. “This is Lexa. Lexa,” she gestured to Raven. “This is my friend Raven.”

Lexa extended her arm. Raven raised one eyebrow, but ended up shaking her hand. “Nice to meet you,” Lexa said, her voice formal, but not unfriendly. “The bomber, right?”

Raven tensed. She had blown up a bridge and the drop ship, resulting in numerous casualties on Lexa's end. “That's me.”

Lexa only nodded. “You are a powerful weapon.” Was that admiration in her voice? “Thank you for your role in the attack on the Mountain. We would not have been victorious without you.”

Raven looked intensely relieved. “Thank you.”

“How angry was my mom last evening?” Clarke said, hesitantly changing the conversation.

“You mean when I had to be your messenger girl?” Raven said, annoyance written all over her face. “She almost shot me.”

“Why does she care so much?” Clarke said, frustrated.

“She's not the only one, Clarke,” Raven said casually, but Clarke knew her friend was speaking personally. “Anyway, nice meeting you formally,” she nodded at Lexa. “See you later. Weapons today should be a blast.”

Clarke shook her head. “That was a terrible pun.”

Raven turned and strode away, throwing a middle finger over her shoulder at Clarke.

“Wow...” Clarke laughed. “Rude.”

“Is that really offensive?” Lexa said. She didn't understand. Perfect. More shady things Clarke could teach her.

“It is,” Clarke said. “But between friends it is a joke.” She turned a bit more serious. “I'm sorry, Lexa. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable. I know my people have done a lot of damage.”

“We are in a time of peace,” Lexa said, her voice level. “Past sins are not forgotten, but they are laid aside.”

Clarke found this oddly comforting, and she was reminded in that moment just why Lexa was able to lead thousands.

If she could have kissed her again, she would have. Instead, she took the girl by the hand, leading her to her room in the Arc. The space was make-shift, small and sterile looking compared to Lexa's camp. But Clarke had done some drawings on the walls in charcoal. Lexa peered at them in amazement.

“I did not know you were an artist,” Lexa said, her wide eyes traveling from wall to wall. Clarke had drawn mountains and trees, stars and moons, but also her friends. The faces were familiar, but everyone was lighter, brighter, smiling. How she remembered them as they stepped off of the drop ship that first day.

Before the grounders. Before Lexa's people.

"These are beautiful,” Lexa murmured. “You have a great deal of skill.”

“I have great subjects,” Clarke said, shrugging. “Up in space, I could only draw what I imagined Earth to be like.”

“How does it compare?” Lexa said, still scrutinizing the drawings.

“It's better,” Clarke said. “Well, mostly.” She sidled up to stand beside Lexa. “When people aren't trying to kill us or take our bone marrow or anything...”

Lexa bit her lip, uncomfortable. “Relax,” Clarke said again. “It was a joke.” She laughed again, a little bitterly. “I can't believe my mother. She wants me to be happy. She wants to treat me like I'm a child, but is mad at me now?” Clarke found herself beginning to rant, although this wasn't what she wanted to do. Lexa had stopped looking at the drawings and now was gazing at Clarke, brow furrowed in concern.

“I mean, I've been swimming, horseback riding, reading...” Clarke said. “And I've been so happy. Why can't she just let me be happy?” Suddenly, the walls of her home began to feel very foreign, very suffocating. She wrapped her arms around herself, as if retreating. She wanted to feel weightless again. That's all she wanted.

Right on cue, Lexa reached out and lightly pulled Clarke's chin up. Her touch sent electric through Clarke's veins; her eyes burned into Clarke's and she leaned in and kissed her. The kiss was different than before, more desperate, more frantic. Clarke pulled at Lexa's lips, wanting this eternally, needing this eternally.

A sound behind them caused them both to jump apart from each other. Lexa responded as if somebody had just pulled a weapon on her, and reactively stepped in front of Clarke. Clarke just paled and let herself be defended. Knight in shining armor.

It was Raven. The girl raised an eyebrow at the pair of them, noting their expressions and-Clarke was sure- saving the mental image for hella blackmail.

Clarke didn't like this at all.

But Raven said nothing. “Clarke, please just go to the med bay,” she said. “I am so done dealing with Abby on your behalf.” And she turned and left the pair standing alone again.

_Maybe she didn't see,_ Clarke thought. She began to worry, pulling at her sleeves and biting her bottom lip.

Lexa turned to her. “Are you going to be okay?”

Clarke nodded. “It's just Raven,” she muttered.

“I mean with everything,” Lexa added.

“Yeah,” said Clarke, straightening her shoulders. “I know I have responsibilities. My people come first.”

Lexa understood. Perhaps she was the only one that really understood. She was young, too young to carry the weight of the world. And yet, she bore it effortlessly it seemed. Clarke only wished she could do the same. 

Before she left, Lexa planted a gentle kiss on Clarke's cheek. “Thank you, Clarke.”

“For what?” Clarke said. She should be thanking Lexa.

Lexa only smiled in return. Her small, barely-even-a-grin smile. But it lit up her eyes and made Clarke's stomach turn.

And Clarke was feeling weightless again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your lovely reviews! I'm realizing more and more how much of this story has been born out of 2am delirium and alcohol... apparently I make all the characters really nice when I'm drunk. 
> 
> As always, peace, stay rad. 
> 
> \\\
> 
> Some original notes:  
> “We all have duties.” “I just wish mine included you” DAMNNNN  
> THE THIRST SO BAD  
> SHE SHOWS UP TO JAHA LIKE SORRY NOT SORRY  
> Literally everyone in this fic is nicer than irl... irfiction... haha


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